I am struggling. I have almost constant pain, varied with intermittent shooting, stabbing pain that travels from my neck up the back of my skull. This makes it hard to do anything. I can relieve the pain by applying pressure to the back of my skull, but after a bit that hurts my shoulders. I am irritable, grouchy, impatient, frustrated, angry and miserable.
Adding to the physical pain is the emotional pain regarding my dog. Boscoe is still at the Humane Society in Stratford. A temporary trial with a family did not work out. He's still in prison, and I am still missing him, still feeling like I made a hasty decision and not sure it was the right one.
I know I am not alone in my struggles. My family doesn't really understand. They accuse me of "dwelling on it" or "blowing it out of proportion". I try not to dwell on it, but when I see Hunny, or pictures of Boscoe, or when I drive anywhere near Stratford, I am reminded that I abandoned my dog. It doesn't matter that I did it for the sake of peace. It still hurts.
But I am not alone, because God's grace is sufficient. He knows the pain I am suffering - He understands both forms. I draw near to Him, because He is the ONLY ONE who REALLY gets it.
The following resonates with me. If you can't click on my site to hear the song, click here.
Paul describes God's grace in the midst of his struggles in the most extraordinary way in 2 Corinthians. Though Paul cries out for respite from his pain, God's answer is 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' It's not always the answer we want to hear, but to believe that God's grace is sufficient means living that way, not trying to strive for strength and self-security, even boasting about our weakness because it is there that God's power is made perfect. We will all go through struggles and trials in life, but it's a road we can walk, if we walk it in Christ. I've tried to capture that in this song, considering that the great struggles in life are personal pain and our sinful nature, and recognising that God's grace is entirely sufficient to deal with both of these, and that in this grace true power is found.
When I'm weak
By Joel Payne
Added: 5th January 2008
Rom 8:1; Heb 10:22; 2 Cor 12:8-10; 1 Cor 1:30;
When I'm weak, you are strong
and I’m carried along
by the power of Christ in me.
When I cry from my pain,
you will hear me and say
that Your grace is enough for me.
And for Jesus’ sake, I can walk this way,
if I walk this way in him.
You are good and your grace is enough for me,
your power made perfect in my weakness.
You are good and your grace is enough for me.
When I struggle with sin,
you still welcome me in,
though my heart should be dressed in shame;
for it’s Jesus you see,
not the sinner in me,
and you clothe me with grace again.
So I will not fear, but in faith draw near,
for this mercy is in him.
© Joel Payne / RESOUNDworship.org, Administered by The Jubilate Group