Neither Poverty Nor Riches

We've had a bit of a rough go lately.  


Truck Troubles


Last fall, the truck broke down right around the time we were expecting to be able to catch up.  We normally have a higher income in late summer than any other time of the year, and we use that to pay outstanding bills and to sock away a bit of money to get through the leaner winters.  It wasn't to be.  Major repairs, truck rentals, the whole shebang.  


My husband, bless his heart, soldiered on.  He usually reacts to bad news with a bit of a slump, but it isn't long before he is cheerfully heading out the door, fighting traffic and little old ladies to bring home the bacon.


Little Old Ladies


Little old ladies really are a problem to truck drivers.  For some strange reason, they don't seem to understand that a loaded truck can't stop on a dime.  My husband often finds himself having to stand on the brakes in order to avoid flattening a car driven by a little old lady.


On December 22, I called Rick to tell him I had broken my arm and was on the way to the hospital.  He countered with the fact that he'd been stopped by the MTO, and was charged with having defective brakes.  He told the officer that he'd had to stand on the brakes that morning, in order to avoid killing a little old lady that had pulled out in front of him.  No matter - the charge stood.  He'd have to appear in court.


January brought the annual inspection, which turned out to cost more than double what we thought it would cost.  The day we brought the truck home, the lights weren't working.  More aggravation, until we figured it out.  The next run was to London, and lo and behold, the truck broke down.  Two trips home and back to London to try to repair it ourselves, then a tow charge and the news - another expensive repair.


Late Cheques


Meanwhile, the cheques we receive in the mail were coming in later and later each month.  Payments are scheduled according to the normal state of affairs, so late cheques had repercussions.  Money was tight, and getting tighter.  As my friend said about her Big Pink Farm, we were hemorrhaging money.


Thankfully, we have faith in Jehovah-Jireh, our Provider.  We know that He is Omniscient, Omnipresent, and Omnipotent.  He is able to deliver us from all evil, and to supply all of our needs.  This, we know.


Chicken


We raise our own meat birds each year and were thankful to have a freezer full of chickens.  We ate chicken and rice, rice and chicken.  The kids found some flax seeds and rhubarb, and made some delicious muffins.  Our daughter loaned me some money to get through the weekend two weeks ago, and we thought we'd have the cheque that Monday in order to pay her back.  It didn't come in.  


Our son and his family came for a visit last weekend, bearing gifts of roast beef and vegetables.  Such a welcome change from chicken!


We ran out of rice.  We ran out of oil.  We ran out of vegetables.  We ran out of fruit, except for a bit of rhubarb.  We still had some chicken.


It's amazing what you can do with chicken.  We had roast chicken, chicken with ginger, blackened chicken, and chicken soup.  We blended the twice-boiled bones and made pate.  But honestly, we got tired of chicken.  Our children commented that they now understood why the Israelites grumbled about manna.  We learned that God provides what we need, not necessarily what we want.  It has been a faith-building experience.


A Thief at the Mall


Last night, I saw on the news a story about a man who'd been caught shop-lifting at Cherry Hill Mall, in London.  He was trying to steal diapers.


It's never right to steal.  There is no excuse.  Yet, because of my present circumstances, my heart went out to the man.  


The kids and I sat together in the living room, reading the Bible and discussing all of this.  We pondered the following passage:

Two things I ask of you;
deny them not to me before I die:
Remove far from me falsehood and lying;
give me neither poverty nor riches;
feed me with the food that is needful for me,
lest I be full and deny you
and say, “Who is the LORD?”
or lest I be poor and steal
and profane the name of my God.
(Proverbs 30:7-8; Proverbs 30:9 ESV)

Lessons:

1. It would be a lie to say that God does not know our circumstances, or that He cannot provide, or that He does not care.  He is our refuge in times of trouble, He is a caring, loving, Beautiful God.
2. We echo the prayer - give me not riches - for we don't want to be self-sufficient.  There is wonderful peace in knowing we must depend on God to provide.
3. We echo the prayer - give me not poverty - for we don't want to ever be tempted to steal, or worse, to act as if the stealing is necessary because of our circumstances.  
4. God squeezes us longer and harder than we think we can stand.  Not one week, not two weeks, but months or years of financial hardship, or bad health, or relationship difficulties.  Whatever the trial, our loving Heavenly Father does not remove it until He has accomplished His purposes.  It is up to us to rejoice in Him, to trust in Him, and to wait on Him.

No Cheque?

As we were reading the Bible together, encouraging each other, the mailman arrived.  No cheque.  I cried, just a little, not because of my own pain, but because I do not want to see my children falter in their faith.  My daughter assured me, "It would take a lot more than a late cheque to cause me to lose my faith, Mom."  Words that were balm to my soul.

I phoned another company that owes us some money, but doesn't pay until the tenth of the month.  Normally, if the tenth falls on a weekend, we have to wait until the Tuesday after the weekend to get the deposit.  

They're doing it today.  I'm going grocery shopping!  PTL!

They have all the answers.

Smart people. 

There are lots of them out there.  They are the ones who can look at another and just know what they ought to do.

Job ran into some of them.  Zophar was one.  I've paraphrased his words:

"You're suffering, Job?  Oh, that's because you've sinned.  Consider the fate of the wicked.  They have a short life fraught with inevitable pain and poverty.  You must be wicked, too... look at the pain you're in!"

Job is weighed down by their words.  He seems to be at the end of his rope in Chapter 21, but he cannot let Zophar's simplistic view stand without refutation.

"Keep listening to my words. . . Bear with me, and I will speak, and after I have spoken, mock on."

Even though he fully expects his friends to keep mocking, Job cannot remain silent.  He gives many examples of the prosperity of wicked people, who have no fear of God.  He concludes that one man dies in full vigour, after a life of fun, food and song, while another dies in bitterness of soul.  Don't tell me the wicked don't prosper.

How then will you comfort me with empty nothings?  There is nothing left of your answers but falsehood.

What I know is this:  I serve an AWESOME GOD.  He really does know.

When I am confused, He knows the answer.  When I am lost, He knows the path.  When I am weak, He fights the battle.  When I am discouraged, He gives me strength.  When I am overwhelmed, He bows the heavens and comes down!

Psalm 144:1 Blessed be the Lord, my rock,

who trains my hands for war,
and my fingers for battle;
2 he is my steadfast love and my fortress,
my stronghold and my deliverer,
my shield and he in whom I take refuge,

You are my Rock, O Lord, and I know You design my trials to shape me so that I am a better soldier of Christ.  I know you love me steadfastly, never wavering, never taking Your eye off of me.  You are the One I turn to in all of my distress.   You are the One on Whom I depend.

You know the way that I take.  You plan out my days and order my steps.  I take refuge in You.  I trust You with all my heart, and I follow You fervently.

Everyone but me seems to know all of the answers.

I don't know.

I only know this.  I must love the Lord my God with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength.  I must love my husband, my children, my neighbour... preferring them above myself.
There are people in my life with all of the answers, too.  They know exactly why we are suffering, and they know what to do about it.  At least, they think they know. 

Trapped!

We all face trials and troubles of many kinds.  It's the human condition.  Job tells us that man is born to trouble as surely as sparks fly upward.


What are you facing today?  


Is it financial pressure?  Could it be that you are down to scraping together the last few pennies in the bottom of your junk drawer in order to buy milk for your children?


Is your marriage falling apart?  Did your wife leave you after a quarter of a century of raising a family together?


Are you in court today?  Were you unfairly accused or badly treated by someone in authority?  


Do you feel helpless?  Do  you feel squeezed?  Have you been backed into a corner with nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, nowhere to turn?


Then, FIX YOUR EYES ON JESUS.  Look to Him, and live!


Think about His life on this earth.  Financial pressures - He had nowhere to lay His head.  Relationship issues - His own family thought He was out of His mind.  Abusive authorities - both the Roman ruler and the leaders of Israel treated Him shamefully.


What did He do?  


He did exactly what we should do when we face trials of any kind.  He cast Himself on His Heavenly Father, and trusted Him to do what was best.

Psalm 121 My help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth.

The very Creator God who made everything and everyone around you is our Helper.  He will not allow your foot to be moved, because He is immovable.  He never slumbers or sleeps, because He is always alert, always aware, always omniscient.  He is your Keeper.  He protects  you day and night.  He preserves you from all evil, and will do so forevermore!

Proverbs 29:25  The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.

Are you trapped in fear?  Are you caught in a snare?  Are you fretting about your circumstances, worried about the next phone call from a creditor, or what the judge will decide about your case?  


Trust in the Lord!  He will keep you safe!

Proverbs 29:26 Many seek the face of a ruler, but it is from the Lord that a man gets justice.

Remember Who can move the heart of the judge.  Remember Who can turn the tide, or send a new job, or open the heavens to sunshine instead of the dark clouds of storm.  


Creator God, 
        There is no one like you.
        There is nobody we can turn to 
               that cannot be moved
               that is always alert
               that can protect us from evil
                      and sustain us forever
        EXCEPT YOU!
You are our Keeper
              our Helper
               our Beautiful God.
In You alone we trust,
     for You alone are trustworthy.
So we give You all of our praise
                     and all of our thanks,
In the precious name of Jesus, 
     Who showed us how to trust You.
              Amen.

Sometimes I wish I had a mother...

I wish I could just sit down and talk to her.  I wish I could ask her how she felt when she was pushing 56.  I never thought to ask her about it THEN, when I was only in my 30's.  It didn't seem all that important.

I wonder if she felt like a failure.  Did she worry about how her kids were doing, or whether or not they'd turn out okay.  They were all grown up by the time she was in her 50's, so the issues weren't quite the same as those I am facing.  But, I wonder.

I think, wouldn't it be nice to sit and sip a cup of tea and ask her bunches of questions.

I miss having a mother.

And then my mind wanders to myself.  I AM a mother.  My kids have me to ask questions of.  They have me now, to share ideas with.  But, do they?

Sometimes.

But not always.

I don't blame them a bit, for I am not the perfect mother.

I lose my temper and write nasty notes to straighten them up and make them fly right, so to speak.

I lose my composure and cry, sobbing great big tears and letting them run down my cheeks and hit my lap (if they reach that far before I wipe them and the snot away, wondering how I can produce so much liquid from such a dry old grannymom.).  I know my tears make them uncomfortable.  I am sorry.

When I think of myself I realize that I will never be the kind of mother I wish I could be, I wish my kids had.  I want to show grace to them always.  I want to be wise, and good.  I want to demonstrate love to these great works we have been blessed with over the past 37 years.  I do it sometimes, not very well, and not often enough.  Too often I demonstrate the opposite - impatience, foolishness, worry, crankiness, selfishness.  Just those qualities I hate.  Just those qualities I want them NOT to have.

Sigh.

When I'm weak, YOU are strong, and I'm carried along by the power of Christ in me.


Lord, show my family love through Your power working in me.  Demonstrate grace to them, and kindness, and wisdom, and strength.  I am oh so weak, but You are NOT.  I pray that You will so work in my life that they will see the glory of You in the middle of all of my weakness.


I no longer have a mother.


But I do have a Father - an all-wise, all-knowing, gracious and good Father, who loves me.  


Boggles the mind.

Where did the week go?

I honestly can't believe it's Wednesday already.

My shoulder HURTS. It hurts to breathe, to type, to sit, to stand, to do ANYTHING. Therefore, anything I do is painful and more time-consuming than it normally is.

Therefore, I haven't been blogging. I have been blogging in my head, and I have plenty to say, but due to the pain in my shoulder and neck I just haven't got around to sitting here and typing out a proper blog.

I do plan to finish up the SGF Ladies' Retreat series. Soon. Meant to today, but the day got away on me.

And I am hurtin'. Hurtin' bad.

Goes to show you that I was right to pursue some sort of compensation. It's been three years, people, and I still have PAIN every single day.

More tomorrow, I hope.

Things are not as they seem.

The man was born blind. There wasn't a thing he could do about it. He spent years and years and years sitting by a pool, begging for food. He couldn't work. He couldn't do anything to help himself, or his family. He likely didn't have a wife. He was taking up space. Unproductive.

Then along came some crazy dude who talked about him with a bunch of other guys. He's sitting there, begging, hopeful for a few shekels so he can buy himself some supper, and they talk about him like he's not even there. Like he doesn't exist. Like he's worth nothing, or less than nothing.

“Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” (from John 9)

"Hey," he thinks, "I'm sitting right here. What d'ya mean, I sinned? Just who do you think you are?" He must have been bristling with the thought, then he heard the guy say...

“It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.

"Neither! Not my folks. Not me. But that the works of God might be displayed. What is he talking about?" The blind man is puzzled. He sits there, wondering, and hears the guy spit. Ugh.

The next thing he feels is wet, gooey muck being put on his useless eyes. Gross!!! What is this guy doing?

“Go, wash in the pool of Siloam.”

I wonder what went through his mind. I'm sure he wanted to wash the muck off his face. But what was he thinking as he stumbled along, muddy, blind, pitiful. Was he hopeful? Did he have any idea of what would happen next?

So he went and washed and came back seeing.

Wow! He went. He washed. He obeyed. And he came back, SEEING!

Sometimes the Word of God is so nonchalant about these things that blow me away. This guy was blind. He wasn't having a great day. People were talking about him. Some guy he didn't know spat on the ground to make mud, and smeared it onto his EYES. He was told to go and wash the mess off.

Then he came back, seeing.

It turned into a pretty good day.

But did it?

The neighbours started questioning him. He told them what happened, but they didn't believe him. "Where is this guy?" they asked. "I don't know," he replied.

They grabbed him and made him go and stand before the Pharisees. What should have been a day of rejoicing turned into a day of harassment. "How'd you get your sight? Where is this man? Were you really blind? What do you think of the guy who healed you? Don't you know it's the Sabbath? Where are your parents?"

The harassment continued. When his parents feared the Pharisees, they said their son was of age, ask him. So, the questions began again. "What did he do to you? How'd he open your eyes?"

By this time the man was exasperated. He could SEE! All he wanted to do was to CELEBRATE. So he said to them,

Why do you want to hear it again? Do you also want to become his disciples?”

That ticked them off! The Word of God says they reviled him. Then they cast him out.

Things are not as they seem.

This man's day started badly. He had to beg. People he didn't know talked about him as if he could not hear, as if he were mentally deficient. Some fellow he never met before put mud on his eyes, then told him to go and wash it off. He must have been indignant.

But then, his eyes were opened.

One thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see.”

But then, he could finally see.

And then it didn't really matter that the people questioned him, and brought him to the Pharisees. It didn't really matter that they mocked him, then threw him out of the synagogue.

He could SEE.

It seemed as if he was having a bad day, but Jesus had a plan. All of those years of blindness were gone in a flash. He could SEE.

35 Jesus heard that they had cast him out, and having found him he said, “Do you believe in the Son of Man?” 36 He answered, “And who is he, sir, that I may believe in him?” 37 Jesus said to him, “You have seen him, and it is he who is speaking to you.”38 He said, “Lord, I believe,” and he worshiped him.

God opened his eyes, and made him see.

It was the best day ever!

How about you? Are you having a bad day? A bad week, or month, or year? Is the world crashing in on you as you struggle to keep your head above water? Are you discouraged with your progress? Are you defeated with your laziness and the ever-present selfishness you deal with every day? Are you having a bad day?

Things are not as they seem!

God is at work. Jesus is still opening the eyes of the blind. He is still spitting in the mud and rubbing it on your eyes, orchestrating the events of your life with a great and holy purpose. Don't bristle at the thought. Just wait on Jesus. He is working! He will bring it to pass.

They're fine.

The van is NOT. Fine, that is.

Daniel was on his way home from London and inadvertently turned onto Ilderton Road. He travelled only a few moments before realizing that he turned too soon, then took his foot off the gas pedal, coasting for a bit. Deciding simply to continue on until he could make a left turn, he slowly put the gas pedal back on.

The van fish-tailed. Dan gulped, and corrected. Perhaps he over-corrected a bit, or perhaps the freezing rain had caused so much ice to build up that it was a lost cause. Either way, he ended up skidding BACKWARDS into a steep ditch. The van flipped one and a quarter times, coming to rest on the passenger side.

It's toast.

But Daniel and Elena are fine.

For that, I am very thankful. Vans can be replaced. Kids cannot.